end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
