Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
