i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
