I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
