he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
