your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
