The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
