Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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