my phone needs a breathalizer
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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