just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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