You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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