we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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