woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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