I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
