Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
