i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
