Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
