The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
