the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
