Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
