i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
