there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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