New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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