Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
