Do you still have your period?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
