i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
