Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
