i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
