Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
