ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
