so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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