I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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