it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
