dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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