On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so much tequila, so little girl.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
