I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There r osticjed everywhere
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
