I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
