i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
zippers are such a cool invention
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
