I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
