I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
