that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
