she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
