I wish I could teleport
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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