just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
