I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
