he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
