we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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