so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
