We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
