We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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