Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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