any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
