If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
