An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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