It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
