Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
