Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
