I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i now understand why vodka
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
