4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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