she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
