sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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