I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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