I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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