Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
