omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
