All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
