He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
