im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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