Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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