I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
