I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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