I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
