then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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